Wednesday, September 5, 2012

{Mawwage...}

Wendel and I are super excited to be helping out with our church's marriage counseling for the next few Saturdays! We went through this program {after we got married...a little reversed but I we weren't in the same state pre-marriage and couldn't do it before!} and learned so much! Our church's marriage counselling is fun, relaxed, and very helpful and I know changes how people look at marriage! We are excited to be investing in these new marriages and hopefully meeting some really amazing people! 

I say all of this because as many of you know {or could have guessed} our marriage is extremely important to us! 


Throughout our first year of our marriage, people would ask us "how is first year was going?"

We would naturally respond with "amazing", "wonderful", "it's a blast!"

To which 90% of couples would respond with someone like "well that will end soon!" 

How disheartening is that? Terribly! 

How horrible is it that we live in a time where marriages are expected to fail. 

Wendel and I, however, are blessed to have a couple in our lives who are still smitten in love 20 some odd years later! 

Wendel's parents, Brad and Faye! 


They have shown us that you can still be giddy in love years after you first fell in love! 

Through elementary, high school, and college with two kids. Through work troubles. Through house building. Through really had times. They have always remained crazy in love! 

Wendel and I feel blessed that we get to see this marriage daily, and learn from the best of the best! 

So Wendel and I hold our marriage very dear, just as Brad and Faye do! We feel we have to make marriage a priority in order to keep the love strong. Even more importantly, have a strong base for our marriage before we start extending our family with sweet, little, kiddos! 

We want to show our children what a loving marriage can look like and want them to always know that we love each other and that our marriage is a priority, just as they are in our lives! 

So...how do we do that? 

I thought I'd share a few things we try to do in order to keep our marriage strong!

1. Communicate. Boring right? But it is so important! 

Wendel would be the first to admit that he is not the best communicator. This picture depicts him so well!  


He is a man of few words, but what he says means something! So I have learned to give him time to think and respond. 

I, on the other hand, could talk to a brick wall for hours and have no issues. I have learned that I need to shut up sometimes! Yes...shut up and listen! 

Which brings us to our next key to keeping our marriage flowing... 

2. Disagreeing Fairly 

Wendel and I don't fight a lot. I know that sounds weird, but neither of us really ever feel the need to fight. 

What this means is that when we do have a disagreement, we don't know what to do! I end up 
over- reacting, crying, and Wendel ends up shutting down. 

To help with this, we have started this fun little technique! We learned this technique from marriage counselling actually! 

It's called the pot holder technique. 

When you're having a disagreement, you grab an item that is close{a pot holder if you will} and treat it as a talking stick of sorts. 

The most important thing of this trick is repeating what your spouse has said BEFORE you continue on in your disagreement. 

More times than one, we have done this and what we think we heard was not what was meant. This gives the other person time to say what they really mean! 

This prevents useless fights over just plain old not understanding each other's point of view! 

And one more technique that keeps our marriage interesting...

3. Appreciate Each Other

This is so under-rated, but show direct appreciation for your spouse. 

I make a point to get all excited when Wendel comes home every night. I try to encourage and show him words of affirmation every day. 

Flirt, have fun together, and date like you did pre-marriage. 

Never take a moment for granted and just plain old enjoy your time together! 

These are the things that I find important in our marriage. Will they make your top 10 list? Maybe not. But these are things that I constantly remind myself in being intentional in our marriage! 

What are your keys to making your marriage a priority? I'd love to hear the things that are important to you! You never know, it might inspire me or someone else! 

4 comments:

  1. Great post, Lelia! One thing we talk about in our marriage is that we always need to think the best of our spouse. What I mean by that is, if they say something that may seem rude or mean, we need to think the best of them and realize they probably didn't mean it the way we are taking it. It goes right along with communication and making sure we don't take offense to what our spouse has to say.

    Good luck with your class! I'm sure you all will be great!

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    1. So true! I hate it when I go out with a bunch of woman and it turns out to be a husband bashing dinner. Makes me so sad! Amazing point! Thanks for sharing!

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  2. I love this! Appreciating each other, even if it is getting off the couch and smooching him when he gets home is a big deal! It may not seem like it, but I learned this one the hard way. I used to do it, and then I stopped. He noticed and said something about it. I had no idea it affected him like that!

    One thing I've learned is to be your spouse's biggest cheerleader. You are the one person they need to count on all of the time. And even if their ideas don't seem plausible, encourage them anyways. Sometimes they need to figure it out on their own. Praise them when it works, and encourage them if it doesn't.

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    1. LOVE your feedback! Appreciation is so important, because that is such a natural desire...to be appreciated! And I think girls get so distracted that we forget to go out of our way to encourage and love on our husbands! It's something you have to be intentional about! Wendel and I have realized that 'intentional' is the name of the game! Always be intentional and you're good to go! Thanks for your feedback!

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